Random Acts of Kindness

163 - Kindness“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted” - AESOP

Not such a long time ago, in a toll-booth not so very far away,  a woman in a red Honda full of Christmas presents, about to cross the San Francisco Bay Bridge, paid the toll not only for herself but also for the next six cars.

One after another, the drivers of the next six cars were told they didn’t have to pay, as a lady in a previous car had already paid for them. It turned out the woman in the Honda had earlier read the phrase “Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty” written on a card stuck on a friend’s fridge, and liked the idea so much she thought she’d give it a go.

Another woman, Judy Foreman, saw the same phrase graffitied on a wall and mentioned it to her husband, Frank. Frank was a teacher and also liked the phrase, putting it on a notice in his classroom to help inspire his pupils. One of the pupil’s parents was a columnist at a local newspaper and after being told about the phrase, decided to use it in a short article in the newspaper.

After reading this article, the writer Anne Herbert was so inspired by the idea she decided to write it on a table mat in a Sausalito restaurant – and, this convoluted and unlikely sounding story is often cited as the origin of the phrase random acts of kindness‘.

Unlike the origin, the idea itself is straightforward – by practicing more kindness to others in our everyday lives, we can help create ‘cycles of kindness’.

We’re probably all familiar with the idea of ‘cycles of violence’, that violence perpetrated on one person by another increases the chance that person too will too go on to commit violence against others. This is considered a factor in both armed conflict and domestic violence, there is a strong desire to ‘get even’, and if not with the one who harmed us, then someone else.

There is plenty of evidence that many other behaviors can be learned and spread the same way, including kindness.

Deliberate kindness seems to be an idea whose time has arrived, with many individuals, families, groups and communities around the world actively trying to be kinder in their everyday lives:

In the Bay Area, the Haswell family have brought together over two hundred volunteers to spread kindness at local events.

Just before Christmas a customer in a Canadian coffee shop brought a coffee for the person behind them in the line, who then went on to do likewise for the person behind then. Amazingly, the next 228 people did the same !

Instead of having a party, Syed Muzamil Hasan Zaidi decided to do 22 random acts of kindness across Islamabad, Pakistan to celebrate his 22nd birthday.

Bob, founder of the Million Acts of Kindness website is currently spending a year cycling around the perimeter of the USA, visiting schools along the route to promote kindness between pupils.

A Random Acts of Kindness Foundation has been set-up, promoting the virtue of being kind, and is now running educational workshops in Colorado schools.

The comedian Danny Wallace wrote a best selling book promoting the concept, and suggesting that people commit to carrying out one random act of kindness every Friday.

And any internet search will find hundreds of people interested in doing more random acts of kindness, or offering suggestions for kind things to do.

If you think this sounds just a bit too soft and fluffy, there is also a lot of serious investigation ongoing into understanding and teaching kindness, amid evidence that experience of kindness has a definite positive effect on public health and pro-social behaviors.

The most interesting and amazing thing is that it boosts not only the person receiving the kindness, but also the person being kind.

Something to think about when you have the option to give way at your next road junction on the way home . . .

“Ask yourself have I been kind today ? Be kind everyday and change your world” – ANNIE LENOX

    

Similar articles – Charity Does Begin at HomeSaving Lives

Photo by Katerha, via Flickr

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Putting Things Right

159 - SunsetI hope you all had a good Christmas.

The next and final stop on the festive roller-coaster is the New Year. Amid the traditional parties, celebrations and singing of Auld Land Syne, most of us will also find time to make some plans for the year ahead, perhaps including promises or resolutions to ourselves or others.

In thinking forward to the next year, we of course review the year that has gone – both what went well, and not so well.

Earlier in the year I heard the progressive liberal Rabbi Pete Tobias give a short Yom Kippur talk on the radio. Yom Kippur is typically a time of looking back and also often referred to as The Day of Atonement: atonement meaning righting wrongs, making amends, putting things right, reflection, reconciliation, restitution and reparation.

I thought his words were probably apt for us all.

 

Let us ask ourselves hard questions – for this is the time for truth

How much time did we waste in the year that is now gone ?

Did we fill our days with life, or were they dull and empty ?

Was there love inside our home, or was the affectionate word left unsaid ?

Was there a real companionship with our children, or was there a living together, but growing apart ?

Were we a help to our partner, or did we take them for granted ?

How was it with our friends, were we there when they needed us, or not ?

The kind deed – did we perform it, or postpone it ?

The unnecessary jibe – did we say it or hold it back ?

Did we live by false values – did we deceive others, did we deceive ourselves ?

Were we sensitive to the rights and feelings of those who worked for us ?

Did we acquire only possessions – or did we acquire new insight as well ?

Did we fear what the crowd would say, and keep quiet when we should have spoken out ?

Did we mind only our own business, or did we feel the heartbreak of others ?

Did we live right, and if not have we learned . . . and will we change ?

 

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year.

Photo by Jebulon, via Wikipedia

RELATED ARTICLES – Next Starfish: Review of the Year, New Year Resolutions: Systems, Systems, Systems

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Secret Miracle Cure ?

What if I told you I have a secret something that can extend your life ?

Something that will make you feel better. Reduce your stress, your blood pressure, and improve your emotional stability, anxiety and impatience. It will probably also reduce your risk of depression.

Something that has been shown to reduce levels of bodily inflamation linked to heart disease, stroke, arthritis and diabetes, and that will actually increase the rate your body repairs itself. It also improves your resilience to colds !

Something that also amazingly improves your memory, sharpens your attention, makes you more alert and more creative, increases your willpower, regulates your appetite, improves sporting performance and willingness to take part in exercise. It also magically makes you a safer driver.

It also makes you happier !

Sounds unbelievable ?

It’s real, it exists, and is yours for free.

If you haven’t realised already, it’s sleep. Type ‘benefits of sleep’ into Google to see for yourself.

Sounds great, but the bad news is that we’re all sleeping less. It’s not because we magically don’t get tired anymore (despite self-medicating with caffeinated energy drinks), it’s because there’s so many other things to do – 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

It wasn’t that long ago there was no breakfast TV and once the national anthem had finished around midnight, there was only a little white dot on the screen. Most shops were closed by six, or by lunchtime on Wednesdays, and virtually nowhere was open on Sunday.

If you’re 30 or younger you might find this hard to believe. Our lives are so different now – we can watch, work, shop, play and communicate 24/7 in endless different ways. This digital world is so enticing – why would we waste our lives sleeping ! Many of us have a tendency to sacrifice sleep for work, family or personal enjoyment such as late night surfing the internet, we think we’re maximising our time or productivity, but we’re probably doing the exact opposite.

There’s no getting away from it – if we want the happiest, healthiest life we can we need to ensure we get enough sleep.

Prioritising sleep and ensuring we get enough will likely do wonders for our concentration, mood and energy levels, and will make it easier for us to find the motivation, willpower and commitment to achieve everything else we want to do in life.

I’m as guilty as anyone.

Sleep has never been something I’ve been terribly good at – but improving my sleep is my mission for the new year.

My solution will be to build a habit of a regular bedtime, spend a little less time looking at screens, especially in the evening, and generally organising my routine to include more sleep. It will also involve finding the willpower to simply stop what I’m doing more often, and go to bed.

You might want to join me on my journey to more sleep – or if you’re there already feel free to tell the rest of us your secret ?

Photo by dannyelbrazil, via Flickr

RELATED ARTICLES – Take a Break, How Do You Want Your Story to Go ?, 8 Quick Ideas to Help You Slow Down

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Take a Break

If you’re a regular reader of Next Starfish then you’ll know I occasionally take a short break from blogging.

I think taking a break from things is a very healthy thing to do from time to time . It’s all too easy to get caught up in the day to day – work, routine and commitments – and loose touch with what’s important, enjoyable and right.

A short break let’s you get perspective back, takes off the pressure, and helps keep you fresh.

As the late Steven Covey pointed out: it’s all too easy to confuse URGENT with IMPORTANT.

Many of the things we do because they’re urgent, not because they’re important . . . taking a break can help with sorting out which is which.

Join me – take a short break from doing something, and afterwards you’ll come back to it refreshed and revitalised. Alternatively you might decide it’s not that important after all, and decide to ditch it. Either way is good !

I’ll be back in a week (refreshed and revitalised) – untill then, quotes:

“Once in a while you have to take a break and visit yourself” – AUDREY GIORGI

“You should never take life so seriously that you forget to play” - ANON

“There is more to life than increasing it’s speed” – MAHATMA GANDHI

“It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is what are we busy about ?” - HENRY DAVID THOREAU

“If you’re too busy to help those around you succeed, you’re too busy” - ANON

 Photo by Michael Pollak, via Flickr

RELATED ARTICLES – The End of SummerIt’s Finally Stopped RainingTake Some Time Out for LifeMaking Vitamin DA Short Musical Interlude,  Nothing to do Today but SmileReview of the YearThe Sun is ShiningInvincible Summer , No Time to Stand and Stare

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Choice is Voluntary

We all have busy lives – having to make decisions how best to juggle the various demands on us from jobs, family and friends.

Barack Obama’s day is busier than most, and typically involves an endless stream of decisions and choices.

All of us, Barack included, can become tired and jaded by the mental and emotional effort of having to make so many choices, affecting our judgement, mood, and happiness. Psychologists use the phrases ‘choice fatigue’ or decision fatigue to describe this effect, and studies have shown we all tend to make poorer, less logical decisions when overburdened by choices and options, or when we are mentally exhausted from having made too many.

It’s a condition that can have significant consequences when applied to doctors, High Court Judges or stock-market traders, but equally affects us all – shoppers and dieters included !

Barack Obama limits his decision fatigue by delegating the more mundane decisions to other people. In an interview he recently said “I don’t want to make decisions about what I’m eating or wearing, because I have too many other decisions to make”.

We all like the freedom to make choices, but sometimes all these choices combine to make life draining. Endless possibility can easily seem a bit daunting, as any writer (or blogger) faced with a blank screen knows !

Sometimes we just want the relief of being told what to do . . . sound familiar ?

We can make life easier on ourselves by automating many of the routine decisions of daily life (from shopping lists to meal planning), taking decisions in batches, and just not ‘sweating the small stuff’ (spending energy worrying about things that don’t really matter). You never know, by only worrying about the big decisions you might enough emotional energy to do some more of all that good stuff you keep putting off.

If you’re someone who is full of good intentions, but never gets round to them because you’re bogged down in other stuff, or is always planning the next big thing, but somehow gets sidetracked and never gets started, then feel free to treat the rest of this post as a FIRM TO-DO LIST for the week, rather than a list of possible options.

1 - Visit the Give Blood website, type in your postcode and a few details and arrange an appointment to donate blood. It’ll take just a couple of minutes and you can do it now sat in your chair, and you will help save someone’s life.

2 - Visit the They Work for You website, type in your postcode to find your MP’s contact details and email address. Take ten minutes to participate in our democracy and send a short few line email to your MP to let them know you’re thoughts on whatever’s on your mind – from energy policy and climate commitments, the overseas aid budget, sustainable development and the green belt, the badger cull, the economy, or any pressing local issues.

3 - Next time your out shopping, make an effort to drop into a few charity shops and look through the clothes, rather than your usual stores. If you’re not already in the habit of buying used clothes from charity shops, try giving it a go, even if just once, and see how you get on – it benefits the charity, recycles unwanted items, avoids the production of so much ‘new stuff’, and saves  you money you can put to other use.

4 - Give something to a stranger today. It might be a few pounds online to a charity, a few dollars lent to a developing world entrepreneur, or a few cans of food to your local food bank.

5 - When you get chance make a list of DVDs, CDs, books, tools or anything else that you would be willing to lend to someone, and take it into work. Encourage your colleagues to add their ‘stuff’ to the list, and develop a mini-sharing co-operative. It’s might avoid having to buy quite so much stuff, and you’ll get to know all your colleagues a lot better in the process.

The video on the left is the serious stuff, the one on the right just a bit of fun.

I know, it’s another choice . . . sorry.

 

Photo by o5com via Flickr

RELATED ARTICLES – Be Your Own Choice ArchitectGood BehaviourThe Art of Giving Up,  It IS the Winning and Losing that Matters

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